tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4785607060280258591.post5050821350502708837..comments2023-07-08T04:56:31.254-07:00Comments on Cilla: What is a successful marriage?Cillahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04638827854071004743noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4785607060280258591.post-34614032262653270832009-08-26T02:00:21.627-07:002009-08-26T02:00:21.627-07:00Such a debate I feel will never happen in an schoo...Such a debate I feel will never happen in an school in Western Europe or USA. There arranged marriages are obsolete. As the feudal mind set disappears in India also such debates will disappear. Success of marriage depends on many factors . Good communication and ability to understand each other are very important. Compromises may be needed from both partners as you try to cement a stable long term relationshipArun.N.M.https://www.blogger.com/profile/11255908292437790693noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4785607060280258591.post-44267757838905194662009-08-19T06:27:56.529-07:002009-08-19T06:27:56.529-07:00Completely agree PS that was the whole point of th...Completely agree PS that was the whole point of the post...individual freedom of choice...let the individual decide whether love or arranged marriage suits him/her...why make it into a if you love someone else you are not ours anymore scenario...as the song goes 'you can love two and still be true' :-P more power to the one who is gonna live with the decisionCillahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04638827854071004743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4785607060280258591.post-73677525221201182902009-08-19T06:06:28.719-07:002009-08-19T06:06:28.719-07:00someone's been thinkin a lottt lately eh:) qui...someone's been thinkin a lottt lately eh:) quite a debate there.. but i guess it's more of a 'to each his own' situation.. i say.. it always helps to listen to the heart in the din of rationality!PShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17098598506238171328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4785607060280258591.post-13846512326226163322009-08-19T01:38:42.856-07:002009-08-19T01:38:42.856-07:00in the tribal societies of north eastern india, lo...in the tribal societies of north eastern india, love/lust marriages are the norm. i have heard lately though of 'arranged marriages', and how these are 'better' because so many more things are taken into consideration than a pretty face or a smooth tongue. i guess there is much to be said on both sides of the fence!feddabonnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08365326300429832990noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4785607060280258591.post-35076295288933107602009-08-19T00:49:29.955-07:002009-08-19T00:49:29.955-07:00@IHM very interesting thoughts as usual
@ste yes i...@IHM very interesting thoughts as usual<br />@ste yes its tough on parents too but my point is why does it have to be an either or situation<br />@Joe sir thanks for the insight...I have been doing a bit of thinking on it yes...I will keep in mind what you said...only I can understand adjustment, but compromise seems to be a negative thing in my case atleast because I feel it builds resentment sometimesCillahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04638827854071004743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4785607060280258591.post-33019683591502409362009-08-19T00:42:41.469-07:002009-08-19T00:42:41.469-07:00My dear Kajal,
I'm happy to see you facing up...My dear Kajal,<br /><br />I'm happy to see you facing up to some issues concerning a "successful" marriage and wanting to think them through -- before getting married yourself.<br /><br />No matter how you decide, arranged or love, marriage is a difficult decision, because the consequences are life-long. <br /><br />Other relationships may have short-term consequences and so are easier to handle: not getting along with a sibling or a relative.<br /><br />The key issue about a marriage is having to live with the same person in intimacy. Any such close relationship is bound to have its strains and stresses. Say, a room-mate in a hostel. Now, not all of us have got along well with all our room-mates, have we?<br /><br />The key for me is the art and science of living together. Knowing -- and loving -- the other person helps. But, then again, love may be demanding and expecting.<br /><br />So, in the end, marriage is about compromise, adjustment, caring enough; the give-and-take that sustains any human bond. I have shared my thoughts, so that you may learn to listen to other ways.<br /><br />I wish you well. I hope you find a person to share your life with; one who cares for you and thinks as deeply, carefully and warmly about our humanity. <br /><br />Peace and love,<br />- Joe.Joe Pintohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09816903724816351432noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4785607060280258591.post-57217453112108366372009-08-17T23:51:23.381-07:002009-08-17T23:51:23.381-07:00"Life is a cycle of forced responsibilities a..."Life is a cycle of forced responsibilities and civilities and oh yes, the most important word of all - compromise."<br /><br />very true naa....bt our indian parents don't understand this naa....they feel their kid shd be obedient to them nd so....for them loving some other girl or marrying someone whz entirely diff frm our cultr nd tradn is like a sin....bt they fail to understand this fact...we shdnt marry someone to please someone as u had mentioned...its our life and we are mature enough to decide wht is good for us/ .. haina? well love marriages may nt have full support of ur parents...bt it doesnt means that these couples land up separating...nd i wont even say that arranged marriage is a bliss...in later we just don't know the partner very much...bt may be we wd knw them after we tie knot to them...such a nice post kajal.... bt i knw hw it feels to a parent when they think their obedient son actually breaks their trust on him.... .it feels very bad :(The Solitary Writerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15512100204698797001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4785607060280258591.post-6800350629802547792009-08-17T08:47:52.802-07:002009-08-17T08:47:52.802-07:00But what is a marriage really? Is it just somethin...<i>But what is a marriage really? Is it just something you get into because you are expected to? </i><br />I agree that a lot of people, a huge majority, get into a marriage just because it is the expected thing to do. And that's sad, because like you said, <i>But no point in getting married to please someone else, because those people will be long gone or far away, while you might have to remain 'stuck' with either a 'dutiful' bond or a failed relationship.</i><br /><br />Your friend's parents washing off all past flaws, just because she married someone they chose for her is impossible for me to digest. Why can't the parents just be happy seeing their kids happy?<br /><br />And Cilla it isn't as if arranged marriages are fool proof! One reason why the divorce rate might be higher in love marriages is that those who opt for love marriages are perhaps the kind of people who have some expectations from marriage and since they have already taken a bold step by 'rebelling' in a small way, they can 'rebel' some more and and divorce. <br /><br />I also fear that some love marriages might break because parents and families continue to put pressure on the marriage, I have seen this happen. Parents can have ego or adjustment issues with a girl from another community and they can make life difficult for the young couple.. we hear of some extreme cases in the News, where the boy is killed and or the girl is killed (honor killings) but we never hear about the thousands of cases where the couple is divorced because either (generally the boys) parents didn't like the girl. <br /><br />Indian parents can be very possessive and very selfish too.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com