Thursday, January 29, 2009

Touchy Indians in Heaven

(This is the second installment of the adventures of the very eclectic group called Touchy Indian who specialise in the vocation of protest. Check this link to know more about them)

No one ever knows when luck would turn against them. Even Naarenathji, head of Touchy Indians Inc. had no idea that death would come to take him, that too on the very evening that he had successfully beaten a liberalist in a debate on artistic expression. His car crashed into a ditch and so Naarenathji and some of his loyal associates were now standing in the chambers of Chitragupta, the divine book keeper waiting for the verdict on their sins.

Just next door, Devendra, the king of heaven, was getting ready for his nightly entertainment. Devendra was really excited tonight. Finally, Vishwakarma, the divine architect, had managed to install a dolby stereo system in the Indrasabha. Today, he would listen to the divine music on an improvised system, watch the beautiful apsaras shake a leg and also enjoy the freshly brewed somaras (an alcoholic drink). But as Devendra started walking towards the divine auditorium, it was not music that welcomed him, but sounds of crash and boom.

Aarghh thought Devendra, that bumbling Vishwakarma must have messed up the new sound system. Just then, one of the guards came running to him.

“Devendra, Devendra, there is an emergency.”
“What happened? Did that Vishwakarma break my new system? I swear I will suspend him from his divine post.”
“No O Lord, its not Vishwakarma, but some earthlings who are destroying your precious auditorium and molesting the apsaras.”
“What? How dare they? And how did they get in? Where were all of you?” Devendra asked rushing towards the Indrasabha.

All the crystalware in the Indrasabha had been smashed. The brand new Dolby system was broken to pieces and Menaka, Urvashi and Rambha were on the floor, their clothes torn and noses bleeding. And in the midst of all this stood 4 earthlings in flowing white kurtas and Gandhi caps.

“Who are you?”, thundered Devendra.
“I am Naarenath. I have just come from the earth and what I see in your sabha is completely unacceptable. How can you, being God, indulge in such activities against our Dharma?”
“What dharma are you talking about? And who gave you the right to vandalise my sabha?”
“Don’t you know, I founded the Touchy Indians Inc. Halla Bol is our motto. We do not tolerate any insult to our precious Bharatiya Sanskriti. And you are abusing our culture. All this western stereo systems, these dancing girls clad in revealing clothes and so much alcohol. Do you think there are no saviours of the culture around to question you? It was good that we heard about your plans and managed to slip away from Chitragupta and end all this frolicking.”
“What do you mean against the culture? We have been doing this forever. Much before your kind even learnt the meaning of culture. It is the way of Indrasabha to indulge in the pleasure of the senses. And all your ancestors have also done so. Come on, you guys worship Shri Krishna’s raas leela, Kunti’s polygamy and Lord Shiva’s love for bhang. What culture are you talking about?”
“Don’t try to mislead us, Devendra. We don’t acknowledge all these arguments. You are citing the interpretations of some western historians and some of those damn liberalists. How dare you throw all this falsehood at us? Now that we are here, we will cleanse heaven, in the same manner as we cleansed the earth and we will vandalise your court till you cleanse your mind.”

Devendra was so irritated that he didn’t know what to do. He was tempted to use the Vajra, but he didn’t want to waste it on these trivial earthlings. Just then Chitragupta entered, “Devendra, I have gone through this earthling’s records and I know why he is so anti-fun. You see he had a very uneasy adolescence. He was not allowed to view certain videos and literature that every boy grows up with by his strict father. The father felt that his son should indulge in all these things only after a certain age, but this irked Naarenath and he became increasingly violent. He developed this sadistic streak and decided that if he could not have fun, he wouldn’t let anyone else have it and the first thing he destroyed was his father’s VCD collection. From then on, he has been on a rampage, vandalising any symbol of entertainment that he could not have access to.” His past exposed, Naarenath was speechless for the first time. “Oh,” said Devendra, “that is the problem. Chitragupta, Naarenath and his associates deserve hell but if we send them there without some treatment they would trouble hell dwellers. So Naarenath, we shall imprison you and your associates in our special video cell. Now you can cleanse your mind of all the sadism with these special videos. But you will have to promise you will mend your ways.” A grateful Naarenath promptly went to the video cell, never to damage any auditoriums or art halls.

1 comment:

Smiling Serpent said...

really good. i really loved it. the setting was unique