Thursday, April 2, 2009
Mating
The tomcat sitting on the roof opposite Anjana's window was trying to mate. He was smelling the tabby up though she was resisting and mewling almost violently. But he was stronger. He was trying to overpower her and pull her down. He was clawing wildly. The tabby was not giving in either. She clawed and scratched and both of them were rolling all over the tin roof. The mewling grew louder, almost unbearable. It seemed that the tomcat was winning. He had managed to pin the tabby down, her mewls were becoming soft whimpers. But in a sudden show of strength the tabby clawed at the tomcat's eyes. The tomcat screeched and jerked away. Anjana watched with some satisfaction as the tabby ran away to safety just as her own 'lover', her husband, was finishing slobbering all over her.
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4 comments:
powerful. good puch in the guts.
a POV, though (i'm rather full of those, i'm afraid)
1) the lover+husband line might be crisper if you just used one of the words. whichever.
2) finishing and slobbering don't seem 'together' to my ear. "finished"?
used the word 'lover' for an effect...for the irony...and number 2 even I had my doubts...will find out more about the grammar there
You are good!!!!!!!!
Powerful and a punch in the gut is how I would describe it too...
thank you IHM :-)
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